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Latest Articles

Texas needs a Bitter Emotional Cripple

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Apr 11 2018 at 8:42 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

Texas needs a bitter, emotional cripple to run our large, unruly state. Texas needs Greg Abott. Wendy Davis is hot enough that you could never trust her. If she were fat, angry and and dikey like Hillary C (and if she called herself a Republican, of course), maybe it would be ok to vote for her, because ugly chicks are used to being put in their place.

Hot women are not reliable. They change their minds a lot. They love you when you're at the top of your game, when you're paying for tit and tooth implants with your hedge fund investments and buying Texans luxury boxes and a Gulfstream and a summer in Europe. They love you when you're running them down to Cabo San Lucas on a private plane and then golfing all day at the Eldorado Club while they're getting daily massages from a guy you find out when you quit early one day is doing his work on her with his pants off.  You forgive her because she's a trailer-park raised ex-stripper who claims that's just how she thought they did massages in Mexico and she didn't want to be rude and refuse. You forgive her salty tears because she really seems contrite. You forgive her for everything because she always hits her knees when you need her there. But then when the hedge funds tank and you gotta sell the plane and the boxes, houses and condos and exotic cars, she disappears as fast as the money did.

No, a hot woman is not dependable, is not for the great state of Texas. She's always after what she thinks is happiness and happiness is impossible without the dough. You let her go because you have to, you can't even afford to have her followed anymore by the private dick. She is slippery, elusive, impossible to keep.

Abbott, on the other hand, is stuck in a wheelchair. He's not going anywhere, ever. The best he can do is spin his wheels and stay in place. He's given up on any chance at happiness. He knows this world is full of lies and mendacious liars, like the Houston homeowner who failed to chop the tree branch before it fell on him when he was running. He sued that sonuvabitch and won millions, then supported tort reform so nobody else could do what he did. That's the American way, get yours and keep it by preventing other schmucks from repeating your success. That's what winners do. They get and hold their ground. Abbott's not ever running anywhere ever again. You can count on that.

Wendy Davis, meanwhile, is running all over the place, probably breaking hearts wherever she goes, staying with a guy when he's on top, then scraping him off like dog shit on her shoe when the money runs out. That's not the kind of leader Texas needs. She's never been in the money like Abbott. She won't know what to do with the graft and the grifters that attach like barnacles to every veteran politico's boat.

Abbott, by contrast, knows how to handle and talk to the money. So take this to the bank and the voting booth:  Texas needs a bitter emotional cripple who's got nowhere to run, not a hot woman who is always running to or from something. Vote Greg Abbott. You'll be glad you did.

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