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Starbucks Safe Houses Hoods

C. Wadsworth
Posted on Dec 02 2018 at 10:09 AM
Latest Articles | C. Wadsworth

I’m madder than Bill Cosby caught giving a coffee enema to aspiring actresses at the despicable attacks on Starbucks for banning young bucks from their stores. Here’s the tiki torch of truth: these gangbangers need to learn common courtesy. 

Coffeehouses aren’t places for hood hoodlums to piss for free. Philadelphia is Urinetown incarnate-you have to pay to pee. And if you won’t at least buy a cup of overpriced Morning Joe (not the intern killing MSNBCommie) Philly’s streets are an open air urinal anyway.

Coffee may be black but the cream and sugar managers at this shine to Seattle liberal hypocrisy were just protecting their business from potential violence and poor tipping. Instinct v. Reason worked together to put these black cats where they belong: in a back alley where they could both relieve their bladders and sell their crack rocks. 

In this case unconscious bias was simply a full employment plan for the City of Brotherly Love’s drug dealers. So all hail Starbucks’ jive ass java junkies for preserving their squeaky clean white tile restroom, sparing their Spics from spanning the toilet doorways, and allowing Philadelphia’s finest toss these porch monkeys into the back of a paddy wagon where they belong.

And to all my Cafe owner friends, a word of Texas wisdom. Next time one of these coloreds crosses your threshold, tell them the bathroom code is 30.06 and to get the hell out of your bidness before, during, and after sundown.

C WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW despises latte loving liberals and drinks Dr. PEPPER FOR BREAKFAST like a real Texan.