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Slaying Private Ryan

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:35 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

I never realized just how bereft our party is of ideas until I watched Ryan try to come up with some last night. Mitty can spin, lie, obfuscate and hide behind the flag faster than a Fox News anchor, so he's a masterdebator extraordinaire; but Ryan didn't even sound convincing in his close asking Americans for their vote. His slouch and little smirk made him look like a cartoon squirrel at a debate for student council treasurer. He made the insufferable Joe Biden look almost sufferable. Ryan looked like a private citizen suddenly yanked from his favorite living room armchair and forced into a political debate with a  lion. He was as bad as Mitty was good.

It's all well and good (and good fun) to hate Obama and racebait and fearmonger and point out how little he accomplished in legislation given that our guys in congress spent the last four years with the stated goal of keeping him from getting re-elected, but at some point we may need to tell "the people" what we plan to do to fix the mess created by our banking deregulations scams (effective for moving money upward but catastrophic to our credit), two charge-card wars and the Bush tax cuts. In place of a plan or even a concrete detail or two regarding a budget proposal, Ryan floated the same canard Romney did about fixing the mess with "bipartisanship," which is so tired and lame a term and idea, and now completely unbelievable even to political neophytes, who can see the total disdain we republicans have for democrats in particular and "government" in general.

But Mitty is on deck for next Tuesday, and he can lie a lot faster than anybody can fact check; so things will probably be looking up for our side this time next week. And Obama is such a scripted stiff, I'm sure Mitty will fire some more vicious curveballs to which Oby-One-O'Dopey will have no response but "uh," which he uttered 650 times in the last debate. The highest cultural achievement in Africa, where his people are from, is the mud hut, while Mitty's ancestors, like yours and mine, have perfected the use of stretching, molding and shape-shifting the English language to stir and manipulate primal fears, hide actual intentions, and trick people into voting against their own best interests. So think of Ryan's dismal performance as a speedbump on the road to salvation. Obama doesn't stand a chance.