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Ryan Pulls out his Personhood

Morty (Rabbi) Rabinovitzski
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:34 AM
Latest Articles | Morty (Rabbi) Rabinovitzski

Paul "I Ain't Yo' Baby Daddy" Ryan hit the stump yesterday in Colorado addressing anti-abortion faithful Republicans. Ryan, an admitted Fourteener', openly supports the Personhood Initiative which would declare that life begins at the time of conception. 

This legislation would effectively make all abortions and most birth control methods illegal. This is unquestionably pro-life; hence the Houston Republicans are all for it.  Plus, this legislation wouldn’t have any effect on the Fagelas or the Lesbos.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

When the Personhood Initiative becomes law, sex between a man and a woman as we know it will change forever.  No more schmeckle into shmundie explosions of baby gravy unless you are ready to make a little person. 

Unintended consequences be damned.  While discouraging discharge of splooge into the tampon tunnel, the proposed law encourages those of child-bearing years to engage in schlong into tuchas sex or just sticking one’s shvantz into her mouth.  Eh, not bad alternatives if you ask this old Jew.

But one has to wonder if Paul “Don’t Waste a Drop” Ryan has thought this through.  If he's ever asked if he isn’t encouraging perverted, homo-erotic acts by those who are sexually active, Ryan can always offer consenting Christians alternative finishes. There's nothing like a  Republican hottie's  face flushed (or glazed, if you will) with politically correct happiness.  Have you seen Sarah Palin’s Alaska?