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Ryan Buggery Initiative?

C. Wadsworth
Posted on Aug 19 2012 at 9:41 AM
Latest Articles | C. Wadsworth

Far be it from me to disagree with my fellow posters the Rabbi and the Priest, but Paul Ryan"s "personhood" plan DOES not boost buggery among the truly God-fearing. Let's look at Ryan's actual anal position.

He opposes sodomy in all circumstances, which would actually encourage in men a Fountainhead of Onanism, which these two men of the cloth could easily mop with their robes.  It would foster Godly cleanliness in women, as they would stay in the home where they belong, beneath bath spouts, shower massages and leaning against washing machines.

Ryan also believes in criminalizing all abortion, even in cases of rape and incest; while the likes of Bill Clinton might oppose this idea as half of Arkansas is the product of one or both behaviors, most right thinking folks agree that to carry to term the seed of a rapist relative is a God-sanctioned act.

In fact, Ryan's plan would make any fertilized egg a "person", effectively banning in vitro procedures, the Day After Pill, even miscarriages. Ryan really doesn't go far enough; after all, menstrus itself is a deliberate discharge of an egg from a woman's child cave. Maybe we should make women live in different dwellings during The Curse, thereby doubling the housing market overnight.

Understand the transvaginal mesh of Ryan's entire philosophy; its moral, religious and economic message promotes freedom for all citizens to behave exactly as Paul Ryan thinks they should. May God Elevate This Righteous Cheesehead Catholic to Vice President!

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