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Ryan beats Poor, Old, Infirm

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:42 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

Hailing from hockey country, where the perennial powerhouse Wisconsin Badgers routinely thump lesser opponents like red-headed stepchildren, Paul Ryan knows something about ice games. 

He may look like a baby seal set to take a head shot from a truncheon, but Paul Ryan is the proud future face of the Republican party. While blood pools all around him on the ice, as hooded men hammer furry heads in the delirious ecstacy of wanton slaughter, Ryan skates smoothly forward. He talks softly behind his innocent mask and lets others swing the big sticks. His is the face of genius, a face to get behind. (Get in front of that face and it'll be the last thing you ever see.)

Armed with the sure knowledge that welfare, as well as social security, Medicaid, Medicare, etc. al is the scourge of corporate progress, Ryan smoothly slashes and cuts. He knows as well as any of us at that corporate welfare trumps social welfare anyday, especially if you want Koch and U.S. Chamber of Commerce money to keep filling your campaign coffers. 

Ryan is putting us back on track with his own ice-cool brand of Compassionate Conservatism. We all know that money is only good for the rich, who know how to save it in foreign banks to escape America's prohibitive corporate taxes. We know that giving anybody anything only cripples their incentive, unless they own an oil or an airplane company. 

Party on, Paul! And when you read these words from the Bible, know that your garden will be "well-watered. . . like an ever-flowing spring" with the blood of the lazy and the infirm, the crippled and the old and the poor of every stripe. We need to force these people out of their homes and into the street, like baby seals out onto the ice, where we can finish them off. We will give Isaiah 58:10-11 the meaning it requires to show the full power of your Compassionate Conservative putsch.

"Feed the hungry! Help those in trouble! Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you shall be as bright as day. And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good things, and keep you healthy too; and you will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. (TLB, Isaiah 58:10-11)