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Latest Articles

Money Shot on the Cannabis Cup

C. Wadsworth
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 10:18 AM
Latest Articles | C. Wadsworth

I happened to be in Denver this weekend to check on my fracking investments when my Colorado attorney told me there was a conclave of cannabis degenerates meeting nearby at the Denver Trade Mart. I always have a soft spot for Trade Marts as that Yankee Commie JFK got blasted in Dallas without ever reaching its temple to capitalism.

So I said "Get us tickets!"  "SOLD OUT,"  he called back, "and I have to go on an Easter Egg hunt with my family anyway." Leave it to C Wad to protect all our families from the resinated filth wandering the sticky streets. I drove to the building, parked, and quickly looked for the nearest scalper. "ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS- ALL ACCESS PASS!"

Fortunately, C Wad had some wadded up C notes from his previous encounter with his future Ukrainian bride. I quickly sped past the stoner scum fumbling in their peasant pockets and whisked through the VIP line.

I immediately wanted to go ballistic on these bozos-I had a flashback to my NRA convention visit- except this place was THC-TOALLY HIPPIE CRAP. Why weren't these smelly inferiors toiling away in some low wage job or incarcerated in a private prison? Because Colorado in its Rocky Mountain High-way has legalized the demon weed!!!

TOTALLY STOOPID... as the next sign I saw said. The central question in the 21st Century is whether the profit motive can coexist with moral imperatives or where we earners can dispose of these toker takers quickly and efficiently. Maybe a Soylent Green solution; lead them into a room showing growing cannabis plants, dose them with psychedelics, finally converting their biological detritus into a nutritious edible to feed the producers and workers.

All I know is I wanted to slam a bottle of bourbon, mainline some caffeine and nicotine so I could beat the shit out of these weak peaceniks. I kneeled down and prayed to Jesus I would be reincarnated as a Viking marauder with a war mongering redhead Valkyrie bride so we could slam a spiked mace in the face of these pusillanimous pussies who are leading our blessed land into the Lake of Fire one vaporizer at a time.

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