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Jews, Rejoice for Ryan! |
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| Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:50 AM | |
| Latest Articles | Morty Rabinovitzski |
Ask any old Jewish grandmother or grandfather and the first thing they will tell you is that America needs to get rid of Medicare. Medicare is a communist scheme to provide health care to old people. Now we finally have a solution: Paul Ryan for Vice President!
Ryan has been opposed to Medicare from the time he was young. Ryan, who started his career working at McDonald's, couldn't understand why Medicare taxes were being taken out of his $4.25 an hour pay check. He worked hard for that money and thought "why should my hard earned wages be used to help pay for some old farts medical care?" After all, his dad was dead. He wasn't going to have to worry about paying for his family's eldercare anyway.
Soon-to-be Vice President-Elect Ryan has historically been a big proponent of the abolition of Medicare. There is sound fiscal reasoning behind his position. Medical care for old people is expensive. Old people suffer from all kinds of problems including heart disease, cancer, diarrhea, diabetes, syphilis and shingles.
With the baby boomers fast reaching old age, the cost of taking care of the aged just isn't worth it anymore. Old people, much like a homeless, contribute nothing to our society. They don't work, except as greeters at Walmart. They clog up our nation's highways by driving 40 miles an hour, they walk slower than dirt and they continually get in your way at the grocery store driving those insipid motorized carts. Not to mention the noxious gas they expel after they leave the early bird special. Whew, old people's farts stink! Not to mention the affect that has on the ozone layer.
With the number of baby boomers increasing, our nation has to worry about our landfills being clogged with Depends Adult Diapers. What better way to deal with overpopulation than to cut off Medicare. Old people use vital resources that are better used by the younger generation. After all, the younger generation didn't create this energy shortage by developing wasteful technology and by overconsumption.
Let's let the older population die with dignity the way G-d intended, by having a massive coronary, by suffering from an exploding aneurysm or by riding their wheelchairs off a cliff.
For those who do survive, they will be given coupons for their medical treatment. Find me one old person who doesn't love coupons. You can't, old people love coupons.
I implore all Jewish people to get behind Paul Ryan for Vice President. Being Jewish we don't have to worry about medical care. We have tons of relatives who are doctors, and since they're not getting paid thanks to the Obama Homeless Care Act, they'd be more than happy to treat us, at a discount. And the rest you can go to Canada!
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