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Jew on Board

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Dec 13 2018 at 11:38 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

Rejoice, Christian Republicans! Behold our new Jew! Brooklyn-born Morty Rabinovitzski has pumped chosen-people blood into our already bulging, multi-ethnic staff. The former rabbi brings to our table the political muscle of the Ubermensch Zionist. With Morty aboard, we can play the anti-Semitic trump card on anyone who disagrees with us. We staff goyim know this is our smartest move since drafting our official black spokesmodel Toby Thomas to prove we're not prejudiced against Obama just because he's colored.

More than any group of people in modern history, the Jews have shown the world how to move to the head of the cue in the pantheon of victims, and no matter how we have tried to dramatize our Republican victimhood – by trumpeting the "problems" of  culture war, liberal media subversion, the unfair progressive income tax, etc. – most of the world remains unconvinced. We've been hopeless amateurs compared with the best. But at last we have a true expert who can lead us to the promised land.

Dual Israeli-American citizen Dov Zackheim was able to dissappear 2.3 trillion dollars from the pentagon coffers in a caper fit for Kings, so we know we're moving in the right direction now! Bring it, Brother Morty! Welcome aboard!