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Latest Articles

Gun Violence is Exciting

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:49 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

C. Wad rightly declares war on any clown who would curtail our gun rights. Gun violence always brings out the worst of the worst in the liberal commies who always use the latest rare but deviously over-televised shooting spree to attack our basic freedoms. Gun violence is as American as apple pie, Chevrolet and NFL players covered in indecipherable tattoos and felony crime charges. Gun violence is exciting. Who DOESN’T read these stories or watch the breaking television coverage of Sandy Hook or the Colorado theater or Columbine or whatever with open-mouthed awe at the sheer audacity and the carnage? 

I just read this morning about a former U.S. Navy Seal sniper who was shot dead with a friend by a PTSD guy the old Seal was trying to help. Apparently, taking the damaged guy to a gun range to silence his demons was not the answer, because the guy got the wrong idea and shot the Seal and his buddy instead of the inanimate targets. But, hello, there’s no story and there’s no value added if all the guy does is shoot Taliban-shaped targets. I’m reading that story for the same reason everybody else is, to see where the guys took the rounds: Were they head or body shots? How many and what caliber? How much blood was on the scene? Was it that thick, arterial, rich-deep red  from an efficient kill shot or was it that thinner, more viscous red that would indicate a lack of shooter precision? The lack of detail in the N.Y. Times story I read was extremely disappointing, and there were no color pictures; so I’ll need to find that one on the web for the good stuff.

Football, even the Super Bowl, is a pale substitute for the gun violence we’ve enjoyed as Americans, and which we’ve had the right to enjoy, since our country was founded. Oh, sure, you can watch some of the biggest, toughest  guys in the world smash their heads together like mountain rams on their way to permanent brain injury, and occasionally you get to see somebody knocked unconscious and maybe even paralyzed right before your eyes, but let’s be honest: nothing compares to the excitement of gun violence. Nothing freezes the whole country in a collective orgy of hand wringing gratitude (we’re just watching, not dying) and mouth breathing.

Would anybody have enjoyed The Godfather without the Corleones shooting all the other mob bosses while Michael became a godfather in a beautiful cathedral? It’s the pageantry of violence and death that gives us something meaningful to live for, makes us stop and take stock of our lives and realize how precious and precarious each waking moment is, and what a privilege it is to be alive. Gun violence brings that gift, brings us together as a people. The more people that die in each massacre, the more of us are brought together. Just look at how much we were able to come together as victims and voyeurs when they brought out some Sandy Hook survivor kids to sing the national anthem at Sunday’s Super Bowl. If that kind of well-scripted pageantry doesn’t make your heart swell with pride in your country, check your wrist for a pulse, or your skull for a brain.

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