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C. Wad shocks 'n awes Austin

Cigar Man
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:32 AM
Latest Articles | Cigar Man

From Austin correspondent Ray P. Cohn

AUSTIN, TX — On Friday night, C. Wadsworth Longfellow made a totally unexpected and uninvited appearance at the Austin International Poetry Festival during an reading held at the Full English Cafe in south Austin.  The event, hosted eloquently by Susan Summers, was dedicated to the Mad, Macabre and Mysterious. 

Mad, definitely, macabre, sure, but C Wad was anything but mysterious as he forcefully took possession of center stage to the shock and awe of the crowd in attendance.  Mr. Longfellow,  a 7th generation Texan, 6th generation American, the direct descendent of the poet of Hiawatha and other American classics, is a prolific writer in his own right which, by many accounts, surpasses that of his bloodline. 

One would have thought C. Wad's unannounced appearance at AIPF would have been lauded by those lucky enough to be in attendance. But, alas, that was not exactly the case. 

After his introduction, C. Wad informed the crowd, figitty due to excessive consumption of caffeine and nicotine, of his affiliation with the radical right wing website  With the room now silent, C. Wad began reading his pro second amendment piece entitled Piss Off, Gun Controller.  Like the guns so adamantly supported by the writer, C. Wad killed!  

A few chuckled, others looked at the ground, embarrassed that the related to C. Wad's prose, while Susan Summers wondered what had just been unleashed at her event.  Not to be deterred, Longfellow went right into his rant: Sustainability is for Fags!  

Longfellow left nothing to the imagination. "I am tired of these tree cuddling COMMIES carping about "sustainability"."  To the stares of amazement at what they had just experienced, C. Wad reminded everyone that more of his work can be found at, he dropped the mic and promptly left the venue.

Firsts only happen once.  Those lucky enough to be there saw the first of what will be many more personal appearances of one of the most prophetic writers of our generation.  

Rabbi Morty Rabinovitzski, also in attendance, refused to speak because, with only one other Jewish male present, there wasn't a minyan.