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E'tu, Toby?

Cigar Man
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:53 AM
Latest Articles | Cigar Man

My good friends in the banking, defense and pharmaceutical industries will rightly wonder why a man of my caliber would condescend to respond to a blog on a political web site. Those who would doubt my sincerity  need only see my title to dismiss such wicked cynicism.

I refer not to the "Sir," by which I am addressed around the world by peers and plebians alike, but to the title of this response to one Toby Thomas for his diatribe against the honorable Ms. Anna Coldbottom. Just as Julius Caesar uttered "e'tu, Brute" when he realized his friend and colleague was part of the grand conspiracy which was murdering him, so my title's address to Mr.Toby Thomas indicates that I view him as a gentleman, a colleague and peer, almost an equal. (Caesar's being a king did not prevent his collegial feelings for Brutus any more than my title prevents the same for Toby.)

It is in this collegial spirit that I submit this response to Toby for his attack on Ms. Coldbottom. Clearly, I'm not one who feels that Toby's unfortunate mental deficiencies nor any accidental circumstances of his (likely) incestuous birth, relegate him to a seat at the back of the bus. Despite his people's being bred for manual rather than mental labor, I see no reason not to give his intellect a chance to air itself in the glaring high tech sunshine of the latest medium of the american experiment with democracy, the internet(s).

I think it an encouraging sign that a publication as esteemed as Houston Republican dot com give black and other minority writers a chance to shine. (pun not intended) Toby's horrific response to Anna Coldbottom, however, shows just how dangerous any real democracy can be. Toby's clear hostility to arguably the finest (and finest looking) Republican cheerleader in the country, and his grotesque references to rape, show exactly why we should not allow anyone to say whatever they wish in this country. Sadly, Toby fails to understand the importance of putting a positive spin on anything that favors our cause, anything that boosts our bottom line.

My friends at Haliburton, the Carlyle Group, Boeing,  Chevron, Goldman Sachs, Merck Pharmaceuticals and several other concerns profiting handsomely from the Iraq invasion and several other ongoing american military adventures in the Middle East would be especially appalled to see a guest contributorm to Houston Republican attacking another guest, especially one as blonde and pretty and american as Anna Coldbottom, over her defense of one of our best promoters, Clint Eastwood. Distilling all world events into simple morality plays pitting good vs. evil that any child could be made to understand IS the stuff of genius.

Ms. Coldbottom is not only beautiful; she is right. That distillation, that alchemy is what works, sells newspapers, foments wars, builds transatlantic partnerships, convinces Ma and Pa Kettle to continue paying their taxes and showing up for work. Toby, you need to support everything the CIA and all their hard-working agent stenographers in the national news media tell you to support.

Are you not smart enough to simply look at Mr. Eastwood's film and realize that all that is expected of you is that you need to pick a side? Are you really that dense that you cannot simply pick a side, the right side, and then shutup? We're not asking you to be an "Uncle Charley," Toby. I am warning you that you could have "Uncle" going Charlie  Hebdo on your asses at Houston Republican if you don't properly toe, parrot and promote the party line like your excellent cheerleader Anna Coldbottom.

If you and your people don't want to be the next target of a Black Op or a SWAT team kick-in massacre, you will do well to pay attention and support the people and powers that gave you the platform you're using now to impale yourself. Pale yourself -- that's rather comical. Pale yourself, Toby, or we might have to do it for you.