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Democrats need Rectal Rehydration

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Dec 12 2014 at 10:12 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

Democrats criticize torture only because they’re a bunch of losers themselves, always fighting for the rights of losers. Democrats are all weepy and negative (as Rush Limbaugh once aptly declared),  always pulling for what they imagine are the downtrodden – women, minorities, illegal aliens, homeless animals, retards, family farmers and all the rest. They love to see the downtrodden losers rise up against our money and corporate control. They love to represent victims and play the victim themselves. So let’s give them what they want to teach them how the world works. Let’s torture them on the House and Senate floors. That will show them what being a loser is really all about. Torture will cure them, I guarantee it, of their perverse love for underdogs and losers.

We can set up some waterboarding stations to drown and/or near-drown them. The ones that survive can be taken to the anal rape areas (rectal rehydration, if you're squeamish or gay) for further enhanced interrogation. The ones who don’t survive the whole program don’t deserve to live. 
Orwell said it best: the object of torture is torture. We all know that torture doesn’t get us any information we don’t already know (even the CIA has said so in various white papers), that tortured people just make things up or else give us what they think we want to hear. Torture is nevertheless important because it works to send our real message: that we’re the baddest baddasses that walk the earth, that everyone in our sights should be very, very afraid, including and especially American citizens whom the Patriot Act says the government can now detain indefinitely just as if they were the same as any towel-headed Arab from Timbuktu. American citizens understand the purpose of torture; it’s helping to keep them quiet. It’s the ignorant, bleeding-heart democrat senators and representatives who fail to understand the full beauty of our overall plan.

Al Franken has obviously forgotten what happened to his predecessor, Paul Wellstone, when he questioned the 911 report and balked at supporting our Mesopotamian adventures. One round of waterboarding should cure him.  Democrat Senator Patrick Leahy apparently forgot that Dick Cheney told him to, “Go fuck yourself,” after Leahy questioned the 911 report and wanted Senate hearings ten years ago on the enhanced torture programs. Since Leahy obviously failed to follow Cheney’s instructions, a round of anal rape at the hands of some beefy CIA studs can help him get that done. This will easily teach him and others that he needs to do as he’s told.    

Torture clearly works. The whole world hates us now, because we’ve proven we are winners by doing whatever we want, regardless of anything anybody thinks. Let’s teach the democrats that lesson firsthand (or firstfist, if you will) and I don’t think we’ll have any more problems.

A Quote to Live By:
“Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power.” – George Orwell