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Cartoon Voter Turnout Looms

Anna Coldbottom
Posted on Oct 10 2012 at 6:24 PM
Latest Articles | Anna Coldbottom

Ray P. Cohn sounds the alarm for Obama's Acorns signing cartoons, and all legitimate republicans would agree this is certainly a concern. Not a single fake Acorn signee was shown to have voted in the last election, but let's bipass "the truth" of democrat incompetence at voter fraud compared to our own professional approaches and examine the potential of this death knell for democracy.

Cartoon characters are queer, as a rule, so most will vote democrat so they can marry each other, but cartoon voting is not all gloom and doom for us. Yes, I know Bugs Bunny is clearly metrosexual or hermaphroditic, so I imagine Ray's right that Bugs will vote democrat. But on the plus side, I'm sure we've got Elmer Fudd's vote, and you know he's got a Super PAC. Yosemite Sam is also in our camp, as well as Mr. Slate and all his friends at the club.

Fred Flintstone, on the other hand, is a union man, so he'll vote for O'Bummer and he may even take the whole Loyal Order of the Water Buffalos along for the ride to the polls. But we may be able to get to Flintstone through Barney Rubble, who's a sneaky little shit just like Neidermeyer, whose whole fraternity is sure to vote for Mitt. And even though Homer Simpson may be dumb enough to vote democrat, you know Mr. Burns will vote republican, and he can call in a lot of favors. So keep the faith, Brothers.

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