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Bohner goes Hard against Wendy

Hardy Bohner
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:21 AM
Latest Articles | Hardy Bohner

C. Wadsworth Longfellow is right to question the sense and dignity of voting Wendy Davis or any other woman into the highest public office in Texas. There’s nothing less dependable than a sexed-up woman, unless it's banking on a “quick stop” at a Houston post office.
The Catholic Church learned centuries ago to keep women voiceless by making it impossible for them to ascend to the lofty post of priesthood, much less allow them to achieve the higher rank of cardinal, bishop or pope (the U.S. Constitutional equivalent of congressman, senator, President).  Hierarchy must reign supreme in the affairs of Man just as it rules every rung in the animal kingdom. This is all part of God’s divine plan. All else invites chaos, the destruction of appropriate Patriarchy, the dissolution of all that is Right and Holy.  

To that end, our C. Wad draws a proper analogy between the wheelchair throne held for three terms by FDR and Texas’ own natural wheel-chaired leader Greg Abbott. Our answer to Wendy’s lowdown empty wheelchair spot dissing Abbott must be to show the strength of the chair, of Abbott’s “chairiot,” if you will.

To restore sense and dignity to our state’s highest office, I think it would not be inappropriate to answer the hussy by gilding our new governor’s regal chariot with golden spokes and a purple satin seat and lumbar supports, like the thrones of the great high priests of yore. We should place a jeweled crown of gold on Abbott’s lowered head as he is sworn into office, at least for his first term. Such decorum would hardly be entirely histrionic, as a proper crown would also raise his height, making him appear more formidable when addressing standing audiences of political subordinates and carping welfare queens and so forth. Cartier could be commissioned for the jewel work on the crown. I should also like to see a higher back on his excellency’s chairiot, preferably something along Elizabethan lines to more appropriately celebrate his lofty station, as well as to re-establish the superior station of all men.    
The only woman ever fit to sit on high was the Virgin Mary, but there’s a reason you never see her sitting anywhere. She stands as a monument to the service of Man, and she is honored on high only because she never enjoyed sexual relations. She was impregnated virginally, not vaginally, like Wendy Davis, who, after her dirty sexy impregnation, opted to abort the demon spawn inside her. Davis’ abortion apologists can argue all they want that the baby she killed was retarded (or possibly even the devil’s own – Damian?), women cannot be allowed to decide life and death matters on their own, much less decide the fate of every man, woman and child in the great State of Texas.

Men are Supreme. Women exist “To Serve Man” – and I’m not talking about that Twilight Zone episode of the same name where the protagonist discovers too late that the esoteric book he thought philanthropic was in reality a cookbook toasting Man as the main dish. Wendy Davis' cookbook for Texas is surely along those same alien lines. She will eat us alive.

Vote for Greg Abbott. May the Almighty God have mercy on your soul if you don’t.