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A response to American Dirt and its "woke" critics

Cigar Man
Posted on Nov 13 2020 at 2:02 PM
Latest Articles | Cigar Man

MY New American Cancel Culture Books

– by C. Wadsworth Longfellow

What’s all this fuss about some rich white witch LARPing as a poor Spic? Isn’t all fiction made up? I’d like to ask the owners of Blue Willow books out in Westchester if they’d quit their quiche-and-carnitas-eating cultural appropriation and give their maids copies of MY latest books written from a series of woke P.O.Vs

American Hurt – A postoperative transsexual whose continual need to dilate the gash that allegedly is her new sexual organ drives her to madness.

American Squirt – An insecure lesbian embarrassed by her incontinent vaginal secretions finds love in the bull dyke biker community.

American Spurt – A tortured twink bug chases a variety of sexually transmitted diseases.

American Yurt – a Mongolian immigrant family find love and extra milk & butter in tender bestiality encounters with their yak herd. TRIGGER WARNING-Explicit sex scenes.

American Furry T&A – A set of tragic scientific and medical mistakes leaves a confused male furry with hermaphroditism.

American Shirt – Radical feminists battle an oppressive town council in the conservative Midwest over their right to appear topless in public.

American Burt – A Deconstructionist view of the toxic masculinity of the Burt Reynolds cinematic oeuvre.

American Pert – A photo essay of wet t-shirt contests, nipple slips, and candid neighborhood pool shots and selfies submitted by underage girls.

American Girth – Angry plus-size models lure their sexist oppressors to hotel hookups, then crush them to death while forcing them to film hostage videos confessing to their fat shaming faux pas.

Believe me, we can wake up more snowflakes with these literary syringes of genius than the Wehrmacht’s entire meth supply during Operation Barbarossa. I’d like to suggest all the bookstores in the Houston area consider hosting one of our upcoming literary salons on the topic of /has liberalism killed literature/. Or just sign a contract with us for an event and when you breach it, our Ashkenazi attorneys will take you for every cent you have. L’Chaim!
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