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A Christmas Story

Jack O'Mahoff
Posted on Feb 03 2016 at 9:21 AM
Latest Articles | Jack O'Mahoff

Give Capitalism some credit. It's the dream of unlimited growth that drives us all. It's a little known fact, but corporatocracy giant Coca Cola created the morbidly obese bastard whose beard had turned prematurely white from alcoholism and snow snorting. His cute little "elves" were kidnapped child slaves who suffered worse and unspeakable indignities when they weren't cobbling Gucci loafers and diamond necklaces for WASP princesses. 

Another little known fact is that the three wise guys who saw that star shining in the east thought it was a whorehouse/casino. They turned their Bentley towards Bethlehem for the same reason all men do. When they arrived and realized they'd been tricked by powerful forces of some kind, they threw the baby Jesus a bone as a hedge against potential inflation and their own cynicism. Then they returned to Rome and their wives, little knowing they had lighted the candles of a dream that would burn for two thousand years and give all men's wives the last laugh.

The End